TAU*MH

pink baloon on the old airport

2011-10-06T01:01:00.003+02:00

Fabio Cirillo left here about 40 pink plastic bags when he left for Wien. They are all taped together forming a big pillow baloon that he inflated it in the nearest gas station to have the result that you can see in this image of the Tempelhofer Feld. One of his art projects, an exploration about people's reaction to an unexpected wind-animated object.
More about Fabio at http://vorset.tumblr.com/

screen printing workshop

2011-07-20T21:00:00.002+02:00

Doing workshops together was really great! Now we are going to travel to see parents and Cyclocamp
Hopefully we can do some more workshops, somewhere, someday.

just hand me something to craft on

2011-06-18T02:18:00.000+02:00

I am back home now, and riding my bike back I though, I am going to bed happy.
I was pretty stressed in the morning and I spent some time talking to P and a bit to A and then put my feet on the street and started actually doing the things that I had left to do today. I broke a bit the blockage.
I mean, I had been doing things also, but unorganised and uncontinuously, due to the constant invasion of thoughts in my head.

People told me, "if you don't want to make this exhibition, just don't do it". I explained, it was important, we were planning this since february, I said I'd do a task, I already started it and I won't allow myself to runaway. But still, it's hard to focus. Because my mind is somewhere else and I lose motivation.

My trick is to spread the big task in smaller tasks... I have to clean tetra paks, so that I can stick the exhibition on it. I have to bring veggies to S, so that they can prepare the food. I have to pick up the pictures in the fotolab in Prenzlauerberg. I have to collect all the golden trash and bring it to the Exhibition place. I have to eat food at some point and drink water all the time... And this way it all seems much simpler and I get on the move and it works. As soon as I started drawing shapes and cutting carboard I felt a big relief after long, long days and nights. Just for the feel of the cardboard and the pencil and the cutter.

I met Lucian on the way back. It was like a providence, I was so glad to see him. And then the second providence, Chloe asked me if I needed help. And came over, and we spoke about our last month while packing and cycling. And she said very nice things to me. The world turned at least 90º from the place it seemed to be the last 3 days.

And then we went there and the other T&E crew were as usual so diligent and energetic that we joined the flow and prepared the exhibition on the tetra paks, and Julia was selling with help of many kids the wonderful cakes and wraps they all prepared, and Judith was painting the tabe tops with the kids, and Kito was building the frame of the Kiezmobil together and Chloe was making candle holders and a golden girl.

And it all was fine, really. All this fear I had, felt so ridiculous. And I saw how many people around me, people cooking, people giving me advice, listening, coming by, had been there for me just like that!

And after we visited the Beauty Saloon in Ida Nowhere and the Graffiti Research Lab, that let everyone project light grafitti on a 20 m wall somwhere in Flughafenstr. with a cargo bike system they built themselves.

Just thank you

I want to be able go somewhere

2011-05-26T04:08:00.003+02:00

where I don't miss anymore and I don't want to runaway anymore

#nonosvamos

2011-05-22T13:30:00.001+02:00

I'm sitting and reading about the spanish revolution and I'm crying. Here some images http://bit.ly/laxqKH, the propositions from democraciarealya.es http://bit.ly/jXG4rq and a panoramic view of Plaza del Sol on the 16th of May http://bit.ly/j3g90d

A short summary of my prostitution

2011-05-05T14:16:00.002+02:00

I also have to do things like this for money.
http://cgi.ebay.de/360-Grad-Decken-Bewegungsmelder-360-PIR-Lichtschalter-/290543564396?pt=DE_Haus_Garten_Heimwerker_Sicherheitstechnik&hash=item43ahttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif5bef66c
http://cgi.ebay.de/ALU-Taschenlampe-230-Lm-Cree-LED-Focus-Schwarz-CAMPING-/250801711839?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_77&hash=item3a64f26adf
http://cgi.ebay.de/IR-AUsEN-BEWEGUNGSMELDER-180-WEISS-1000W-PIR-IP44-AP-/290562551208?pt=DE_Haus_Garten_Heimwerker_Sicherheitstechnik&hash=item43a6e0ada8

I am Lucien

2011-03-23T20:15:00.003+01:00

If you still remember Lucien Alperstein, I am sure that he still remembers us. Check out one of the picture blogs that we all keep in the back of our minds.

Tea Bag Glued Family

2011-02-18T16:50:00.000+01:00

transmediale with trial and error and open design city

2011-02-05T20:46:00.004+01:00

response: able clothes swapping

it's my birthday

2010-12-17T12:48:00.003+01:00

and i'm happy of all i lived this year

berlin fast forwarded

2010-10-21T01:11:00.005+02:00

Only back in Berlin for about 10 days and life already seems fast forwarded. I was taking pictures at one of my driver's place for a job. I went to a loesje workshop. One of these days when I arrived home I found the ultimate present. It is black and small like me but fast and slim and environmentally friendly. It's called flying fox.
It's late night and I sat all day around my room, trying to give it some life, and trying to come back to myself. Now there is wind inside my room, I promise, although I managed to get 20ºC but I have to cover those air entrances. And burn wood.
I am joining an art studio near the squatted boat by the canal and we have a little presentation exhibition on the 28th of October. And then work, work, work.
I finally sew a hood with a scarf with some old basketball's player sweater.
Life is surprisingly sweet (even though I quit chocolate until my birthday, December 17th)

How do you think peeing outside will change the world?

2010-07-23T00:35:00.011+02:00

Imagine that you are in a music festival and, while peeing against a fence in your party mood, a whole film crew gathers around you to ask about your life with 4 cameras and a microphone!

Last month some of my friends and I made a whole film gear out of carboard and hunted people that were peeing on the fields of Roskilde Festival, to interview them about their pee life. The experience was pretty meaningful and there is a lot that you can't see in this video. Like ten people deciding on the spot how to distribute roles for a film crew and how to approach strangers the most comical way and then chasing for 2 hours the most interesting peers we could find. Or like the euphoria and the working together for a real great goal!

activity

2010-07-15T18:22:00.002+02:00

When so much of the activity happens in one's mind it's hard to explain what one has been doing.

creatives meeting and alternative reporting and advertising

2010-05-13T00:06:00.005+02:00

yatches, the terrace of our house in Cannes and a dog named Beurni

I always wanted to organize a group photo exhibition

2010-05-07T13:10:00.010+02:00

and this opportunity was ideal because almost every detail depends only on me. That means I have a lot of freedom but also that I have all the responsibility. The photo exhibition is going to take place at the Road Junky Film Festival the 28-29 and 30th of May in Berlin. In the Betahaus near Moritzplatz.

So far we received over 190 images and we have to choose which ones are going to print and will be exhibited. Because the exhibit space is not very big and the budget is of course nonexistent the pictures can't be printed very big and not many can go to print.

But still, everyone has their space in the online gallery because I organised it so that it would be completely uncensored! I accepted 100% or the submissions! And most of them are amazing.

I am excited about this.

And also somehow misplaced but still engaged with the rest of the work that I am doing for the Film Festival, just because it's obvious that I am the most appropriate person of the crew to do them. Like german speaking public relations, design and photography issues. If I could I would say I'll also bake the cakes!

and yeah, the photo behind the logo is my pic from Teufelsberg :)

At times I still dream of those memories that don't exist anymore

2010-05-05T19:56:00.005+02:00

and therefore I am

never said goodbye

2010-05-04T21:22:00.006+02:00

my mother said that if we managed to break up and not be very sad, then we were lucky and we did well. but we never broke up. we went away and it became clear that we weren't doing anything together. we never talked about it. we grew apart. we never said goodbye. and when we said hello again we were already someone else. and now we can never say goodbye it seems.

self-indulgent

2010-05-01T00:44:00.002+02:00

Imagine you would learn to speak 10 languages. Would that be only self-indulgent?

considerations through chat, about wiki, over a rote beete knackebrot

2010-03-28T23:30:00.005+02:00

we use a wiki software now the film festival

maybe i could use that for the house

now I need a complete moral judgement

about what effect will this have on our society

if we start having an online wiki for the mere organization of a flatshare

i am of the belief
that computers are the new 'television'

and are damaging in certain ways

the interaction between people

so to believe that in internet its all true

certified

and everything can be worked out

telepatically

window

2009-12-12T23:11:00.002+01:00

im invisible

23:09 - lol, why do you tell me explicitly?

- so you know

that I can be talked to

- ok :)

no, it doesn't always work

but we will see

- if you keep a window open

- YOU keep your window open

23:10 so I can fly in secretly in the night

12225 km until now

2009-12-02T16:48:00.000+01:00

last trip
http://maps.google.de/maps/mm?ie=UTF8&hl=en&ll=48.195387,10.942383&spn=13.742683,39.506836&t=h&z=5&msa=0&msid=106510388716163027180.00045830aa3d81ad944c8

Teufelsberg, Berlin

2009-10-02T00:28:00.005+02:00

Abandoned Teufelsberg and us, before Stockholm and after Denmark. Now off to Barcelona and NY. Poor people travel too!

http://taumh.zaharamh.com/

About Recycling and freganism in Europe?

2009-09-16T16:19:00.009+02:00

This is the reply I sent to Somebody who wrote asking about recycled art, dumpster diving, and professional trash picking for recyclable materials as creative ways of reinventing our trash in Europe.

Well, I could say I am one of those who could call herself a freegan, but I didn't really use that label. I guess what you meant is somebody who tries to live on freebies and leftovers as much as possible?

Here in my community in Berlin we pick leftover food from markets as well as we buy stuff. I make art with usually recycled materials but I don't necessarily try to point it out when I create something. It comes from my natural way of being, I've been called a scavenger and I admit scavenging after a flea market is very fun to do.

I know one place in Berlin where they receive and store all kinds of materials from companies or individuals that no longer need them and give them away for people who need them on donation basis. They also have a gallery where some artists show art made with reused materials, but they don't only focalize in recycled art but in just the storage of reusing materials. Also they give workshops for schools and groups of interested people. http://www.kunst-stoffe-berlin.de/

I'm from Barcelona, and there is an interesting association there called Drap-Art. (Drap in Catalan language means a kind of cloth used for cleaning and it used to be leftover fabric from something else). They have a store (as far as I know) and they have a special show in mid December every year where they feature art made with recycled materials (those are usually very smartly constructed things) and also a marketplace where individuals and handicraft people can sell their products made with recycled materials. For that you have to pay a lot and sometime it's doubtful the amount of material they actually really reuse, because it is hard to produce many things that look the same out of fabric or materials you randomly found. It is nice to see. http://www.drapart.org/?lang=gb

I'm pretty in the word recycle you could obviously include any kind of building built specially for one purpose, abandoned and then squatted or bought and used for something else. There is a cool arty place in Paris called Les Frigos that used to be a building sized meat storage or something similar and it was taken over by some artists to use the fridges as ateliers, and after some problems with the 'bad kind of squats' the french government bought the building and gave it to the artists :) http://les-frigos.com/

I'm sure I could think of more, I like your project, I could say my life itself is your project and I have been tracking these places and these atitudes for years now :) I just realized this so Im gonna reuse this for my blog!

I hope you find lots and let's be in touch!

Hugs
Tau

Photo 1 : Laura and me at Les frigos a Paris

Photo 2: Les Frigos a Paris

My Photographs in the Market

2009-06-27T22:58:00.006+02:00

Printing and byuing material. I discovered that Paradise is only about 25 minutes away from my door. A huge Art Supplies Supermarket. And all because
I'll be selling pictures tomorrow at Mauerpark Market in Berlin :)

Barcelona is like that.

2009-06-13T00:32:00.009+02:00

Barcelona is 1 hour drive from Girona's Ryanair Airport. It can be a very fun hour if you happen to cross ways with two businessmen in a cabriolé, that are willing to drive you and explain you all about paper fabrication and their beach resort town near Tarragona.

Once you get in the city you realise people here really can't stay at home. All kinds of humans walk in all directions in the street, though both green and red street lamps. Cars on the road, with loud music and loud motors (for those with small dicks).

Once YOU hit the road you realise YOU can't get back home. For a walk with G, for a meal with J, for a movie with E and for some Tapas with all. And it's all fair close, in a nice walking distance, through modernist buildings, many short short trousers and hot hot sunny weather. Bla Bla Rum Rum.

Eventhough Barcelona has 1,5 million inhabitants, I like the fact that whenever I walk around some certain areas I know I am going to meet somebody I know.

Naked against oil transports

2009-06-10T18:36:00.007+02:00

I am going to Barcelona for almost a week starting tomorrow and it is great to hear about this year's World Naked Bike Ride on Saturday the 13th.This is the event website.
It happens in many cities and you can still organize it yourself.

Today when riding my bike a big car got angry because he felt imposed to respect my preference (when he was turning into my road!) and then followed me slowly yelling some words for about too street crossings and I even runaway to the sidewalk. I wonder how can those car ppl contain so much rage and frustration, instead of some respect.

Ferry to freedom

2009-05-09T20:19:00.004+02:00

Going to Copenhagen looking for better life, like any other immigrant, but only for the weekend. And with lots of fun involved.

after hitchhiking to Budapest

2009-04-21T10:43:00.008+02:00

Learn to give

Learn to give more

I am so gipsy

And want to wander

around

sell in markets

and paint kids faces

In Budapest a woman cried

2009-04-11T22:46:00.004+02:00

While sitting on a bench, in the exit of the park and the way that leads to the bridge over the Danube, next to two kids and and old man. She sat on the bench and cried on her hands. Rising her head from time to time, to look everywhere for some seconds and cry desperately again. Her two tiny daughters, 3 and 5 years old, were standing next to the bench with tied up blond long hair. The sun was still shining, with the orange colour 6 hours in the afternoon in the Budapest island inside the river. The girls looked confused and scared, and were holding their small hands. People walked by, we walked by. I felt moved, actually I felt pain. I thought she had lost her third child and had been looking for it for a while. I took no picture of that, but of many lovers kissing instead.

Lars Rudolph eating a Brezel in Berlin

2009-03-03T00:34:00.007+01:00

"I barely have access to movies that are not boring" said Mercedes Moncada Rodríguez after the premiere of her film La sirena y el buzo in the Berlinale Film festival about 2 weeks ago. I agreed and I told her. The film was breathtaking. The diver and the Mermaid is a tale about a young fisherman that drowns in the sea and turnes into a turtle. There is no explicit narration but the one on the intertitles and Mercedes chose to tell the story through documentary scenes taken from the daily routine of an indigenous group living on Nicaragua's Caribbean coast. Some of these scenes are really new in terms of what has been shown in the cinema before. Hypnotic and poetic. Like I felt when Beijing was inside my camera. And in a very special way -lighter and less fatalistic but just as patient- like Valuska and the drunken solar system and the whale in that cold and poor black and withe town somewhere in Hungary. Werckmeister Haromoniak, from Bela Tarr. I didn't think about their relation at all. It is very possible that the biggest thing these two films have in common is myself and the fact that I like them. I never drink coffee but today I drunk one capuccino and that made me look much more stupid when I saw an older Valuska sitting at the cafeteria eating a Brezel with his blonde daughter and speeking german. The real Valuska!

And I asked, and he told me, of course, that he is Lars Rudoph, and he is german not hungarian. And he has been working in theatre, how the hell I know that movie -am I even hungarian myself ?-, and that he now has a band called Mariahilff. And he told me with his Valuska's voice that they are going to release a new album in the next weeks.

But you don't speak hungarian? No, that was syncronized. And very well syncronized; I wish he was Valuska...

Values

2009-02-17T12:23:00.003+01:00

Chasing after a value that is still worth keeping after this so called crisis is gone.

Barcelona

2009-01-23T10:00:00.005+01:00

Sometimes I really think I want to go back to Barcelona for somethings a I hear that are happening there. It took me 22 years to discover the good sources.

that thing called photography

2009-01-15T20:21:00.013+01:00

For a long time I couldn't take pictures anymore. After a couple of years I had seen enough. I had had enough of angry people. Totally violented by the presence of my camera in front of them or their property, they tried to return to me the violence that the camera caused on them. They associated the direct and specific attitude of the photographer with the violating and offensive movement of an agressor. But one which weapon doesn't kill your body but it kills your dignity instead. And so they fought back to me, trying to reduce me to recover their good feelings.

I used to cristalize magic unbelieveable moments that happened out there. I never meant to judge or punish, I was just trying to remark and enjoy unimaginable events and celebrate their existance. For that I froze them into observable images that contained three parts: me, my subjective enviroment and all the rest. I just wanted to give those images a life, capability to signify and evolve. For me and for all others.

But my innocence turned into evil. And I was the evil spreading suffer and getting back suffer and so for a long while I lost the strength and claimed my right to be an anonymous intranscendent floating creature that was the most innocent of all around.

taumh.wordpress.com

"Next life,..."

2009-01-08T15:30:00.007+01:00

said the 31st of december of 2008 as we were kneading the bread dough with our four hands "... I will be you and you will be me".

the maus wasn't healthy

2008-12-23T00:48:00.004+01:00

anyway

All what happened and the Bread Party

2008-12-20T01:40:00.006+01:00

Since last sunday this has been a festival of EATING and MEETING.

such big amazement is to see how the bread dough doubles it size in some hours!

Jonas Mekas would be proud of this continuous celebration of life!

Technorati Profile

from black and white to color

2008-11-24T00:34:00.006+01:00

From Black and White to Colour by TAUMH

The story of the bleeding mouse feelings and Moving pens and pencils on white paper to counteract exile

2008-11-09T23:27:00.003+01:00

I most likely have killed a mouse. Either me or the gigantic gate of the building. It's nose was bleeding and after 3 minutes of jumping in circles it died. I grabbed a plastic bag to carry it to a safe place on the soil. It was very soft and warm and it all was very sad. The Ceremony will take place in the closest tree bottom and the mouse will continue his life as a buddist believer.

M and me went to draw and paint in an exhibition of Berlin based canadian artists. I signed up for a painting and drawing techniques course nearby and the first day was like a meditation session. We silently painted with acrilic and printed on papers with no rules.

The seconds passing by are specially funny when reading employement small adds. You need a 24 hour smile, experience, leading skills and all that confidence. All those things I seem to be keeping for my next life as an aubergine. For now I am still thrown to the empty space, wandering between constelations deciding if three hundred ninety-four galleries in Berlin are wrong or not and why they are showing such works of art.

the letters of autumn

2008-11-05T22:59:00.002+01:00

the walls will be full

2008-10-13T23:50:00.009+02:00

"He is criticizing me for not being married. Agustinas says, if he had married he wouldn't have made so many photographs.
The Old man: What's the use of photographs? The walls will be full, but life will be empty."

I had nowhere to go, Jonas Mekas.

I was thinking about London, one three nine to Waterloo. Today Egle told me Jonas Mekas is going to be in London the 17th. The date and all is all so meaningfull that I thought to myself I'd fly there for the Flux Party to meet him. Then landed from the dream.

Berlin is not going to be like London

2008-09-29T14:32:00.003+02:00

that doesn't mean London was bad, it was really good.

Moscow Clouds Drama . jpg

2008-09-16T13:48:00.005+02:00

Around the suburbs of Moscow a dramatic view that shaked my spine anticipated the change in the course of my life.

everything is possible

2008-08-30T17:05:00.011+02:00

Be home. Or somewhere between 2 walls and doors and windows and neighbours. And think, find out what part of my inside is real and has the stronger will to live and so we can develope together. Me and my will. But the flows are so irregular that I find myself changing every second second, not changing my mind but making up the plans over. And the flows relate to the music that I hear, the music some of you have filled me with and then sometimes abandoned me and the music gained an intependent character that pushes me to spaces and mental companies that may remind me to this yous that abandoned me but no necessarily are. So this music makes me keep floating in the surface and navigate through my thoughts and my memories with or without every you. And grow through it, make up so many different ways to go and get the feeling that, really, everything is possible, but the latent possibility of everything makes everything impossible because nearly nothing has ever become real and most of things won't probably be. So if everything is possible that means most of the things aren't possible at all. Maybe for the lack of time, for the lack of believe or because some of those things are just possible as an idea and the realization of the thing isn't really the aim of its existence but the thought of its possibility. So that everything is possible is something by itself, a thought that is already complete and doesn't need to be fullfilled to prove that is real.

You might want to check this website to see the proof that it is real http://www.worlds-end-girlfriend.org/

Sindrome de Tetris

2008-07-19T00:24:00.004+02:00

This is what I mean when I say Tetris Syndrome

Estudio

2008-07-16T01:45:00.002+02:00

Candy Shops and how the world works

2008-07-11T01:50:00.014+02:00

I passed by the candy shop that is runned by a chinese family. It is just beside the cinema, but this is not the kind of cinema where customers eat candy throughout the movie. So I don't know how this candy shop surivives. I thought candy shops best times was in the 90', before all kinds of sugar, fat and chemical additives turned as bad as terrorism. There are more than 3 chinese businesses less than 50 m away from my building.

They stay in their shops all day long. I never talk to them. I used to try speaking in chinese with all asian looking persons but after some communication failures, I stopped. They are mainly unfriendly with the fact that I could undertsand their code or intend to join their closed community. I feel both curious and pitty.That round mother and the tiny father both sit outside the candy shop. The kid keeps walking up and down the street and eats everything he wants from the shelves. Yes he is quite round as well and it feels like they hate us. How can I make them understand how the world works. First because they will not become rich with a candy shop in this street. And second because to keep a friendly life is one of the richest ways to live.

And, because I never bought there before, (I can't stand candy, I see it directly useless) I thought today I'd get into the shop with the only purpose of putting a smile on their faces. So I bought chocolates. And they stood there waiting for me to finish. And said 'thanks' after I gave them the money. And in 5 minutes I didn't deserve a single tiny smile. So maybe they should tell ME how the world works. Because I might think they failed loosing their time in the candy shop. But I failed already trying to make people come together. And believing it is possible.

http://taumh.wordpress.com/

Gas Station Worker

Beijing, December 2008

taumh

ataques de dislexia

2008-06-19T04:40:00.008+02:00

Quizás sea por el hábito a la adrenalina que me estoy volviendo disléxica. Se me nota en los chats y en el habla. Yo no tomo muchas drogas, sólo azúcar, harina y chocolate. Y por mi curiosidad, mi insistencia y demás disparates no hago más que fabricar adrenalina. En cuanto a las relaciones, cuando alguien viene pidiendome consejo, después de hablar conmigo los aconsejados siempre rompen con sus parejas (aunque luego siempre vuelvan). Yo! que nunca he dejado una relación. O nunca a tiempo. O casi nunca, con lo bonitos que son los finales alargados. Pero reconozco que los finales repentinos ligados a una revelación dolorosa o una separación, aunque me hagan sentir como quedarme sin aire dentro del mar muerto; por lo menos eliminan toda la agonía. Que esta casi me deshilacha mucho más las fibras estomacales. Y por lo menos en un final repentino uno puede sonreir al vacío con ojos de miedo y eso significa mucha, mucha adrenalina.

Reminiscences of a trip to Beijing

2008-06-13T00:46:00.005+02:00

This is Beijing under my cruel manipulation.

Jonas Mekas Jonas Mekas Jonas Mekas

2008-06-10T15:58:00.013+02:00

If I ever go to New York I have to go and meet Jonas Mekas. Just like my friend Gina, when she went to Danmark and she talked to Lars von Trier. I think my interest in this lithuanian godfather of American avant-garde filmmaking is turning into adoration, not because I like his films (so difficult to catch that I just got to see one of them in the Tate Modern and I ended up going to see it about 6 times but never saw the whole thing) but because I think he says with his words -from interviews and diaries- so many of the things that already run inside my head but I haven't found a name to say them. He has existed from 1922 and lived through the war, exile, 60's in NY and now he is recognised but he is not rich and so not rich will I be. But sure he is proud.

This is a not random piece of an Interview 3am Magazine made to him in 2005 that has a copyright. Is not a random piece but I am sure that if I had taken a random one it would have been just as good because it is all great.

And that is a photo from the Early Rainy Beijing with my small compact digital camera. When I still trusted in it.

taumh.wordpress.com

"3AM: That's a lot longer than the conventional Hollywood film.

JM: Oh yes. But that's because they have a script and they have a story to tell in that time. I have no script. The story is me and the people around me. It's there, it's real life and there is no other. I'm not carrying any other story. There is no suspense. There is no violence. There is no drama. There is no violence because I am not interested in it. I'm interested in the celebration of life. I'm leaving violence to others. I consider there's too much focus on abnormality, violence, ugliness and anger. I consider that it's all been well covered, maybe too much, by the others. It just does not interest me."

on trees

2008-05-07T00:16:00.007+02:00

abcdefghijklmnopqrstvwyz

"But really I'm fascinated by trees, and the randomness of nature. They preoccupy me because of the randomness of life", said David Hockney in an Interview after donating a big big painting to the Tate Modern. It would be really cool to be David Hockney . It would be even cooler to be a tree but I have to say it is also cool to be myself with this inner explosions of ideas and emotions -sometimes big, sometimes huge, sometimes microsize, sometimes really inconvenient for others beside me-.
Walking into Richmond Park on the 5th of may I heard a tree branch that broke and felt appart from this tree and I laught because I usually always laugh when things fall by accident. Like if life was teasing me with bad things that I find playful instead. I smiled to the kids, and spent the rest of the afternoon lying among tall green grass, away from the world.....

the dead doll

2008-03-22T03:29:00.008+01:00

Rainy thoughts

2008-03-13T22:08:00.003+01:00

I am home alone, city alone. I have too big bed and my mind starts going grey.
This city has neverending rain,watery thoughts.This house has a million teas.
Ihave millions of seconds where you are missing and you just have silences.
Buses in Waterworld take me around, from Sainsbury's to Tesco's. If I havent drown you already,
give me a blow of air and don't blame me for my insistence. Blame me for the trust I have in you.

Great Wall

2007-11-24T07:19:00.000+01:00

Para algunos la única manera de bajar las montañas y de tirarse a las piscinas es bien cojidos a la barandilla.

2007-11-03T09:52:00.001+01:00

Help me to Broom clouds away :)

Corny Dream

2007-09-20T17:32:00.001+02:00

I'm in this dream where I'm in China, where I won the first price in my favorite Bike Foto Contest in Barcelona. And where all my friends keep moving, doing things and they remember me and write me :)
Gràcies
Gracias
Thanks
Danke

Chinese Girl

2007-09-16T17:06:00.002+02:00

Last days in Tianjin we maybe saw 10 or more weddings and just married couples being photographed in parks. They with their big cameras and me with mine, the father of this girl showed us Tianjin around and afterwards he asked us to take some pictures of her so we shoot together and this is one of the examples we got.
It's common here to pay at Photography Shops for magazine-like portraits.
It was a weird situation that as I shooted suddently one of the wedding photographers came to me and stared at me and my camera very interested from only 10 cm away!

Hope Land

2007-09-10T18:50:00.000+02:00

Trae suerte si lo pegas en tu puerta del revés. Una manzana trae paz si la llevas en el coche. Un pez trae fortuna, un cerdo felicidad. El país de los amuletos y de la esperanza.

Sometimes you need a toaster

2007-09-03T03:19:00.004+02:00

By this time my pictures were still pretty green, see? Now blue invaded my life and my underwear. In some years I'll complete the rainbow cycle. Will you still be there?

Paris food
Gener 2007
TAUMH

No Tree

2007-08-30T17:03:00.003+02:00

I tried to be a tree as much as I could but I'm not sure I got it yet. I can't put roots in any place, I can't stay still. Solar power feeds my heart and it beats nonstop 10 steps further every day.

Barcelona, Agost 2007

Bitte k korriegier es wenn du kannst

The Cake

2007-08-17T01:56:00.000+02:00

She noticed I was taking the picture. She kept looking at me and when we finished our carrot cake and left this nice place in Reykjavik. She winked me back very smart and confidently. This is how children in Iceland are.

Children

Reykjavik
August 2007

2007-08-11T12:10:00.000+02:00

Aquest és l'aspecte que tenia la carretera de Keflavik a Reykjavik a les 3 de la matinada quan vam arribar a Islàndia :)

Brussels streets

2007-07-12T19:49:00.003+02:00

Maybe we should stop and have a look...

The City Hall in pieces

2007-07-09T00:02:00.000+02:00

City Hall Brussels in pieces. June 2007. There was a group of asian students making a group photo.

from Brussels

2007-07-01T18:47:00.000+02:00

I got home and found my sister in my bed and a letter with the visa to shanghai on my table.

pasan cosas con forma redonda

2007-05-12T00:22:00.001+02:00

cibermón

2007-03-20T00:54:00.000+01:00

La construcció del jo al cibermón

Efectivament, la imatge és només un dels codis que existeixen per a representar la realitat i per a expressar-se. No necessàriament el més realista, com el món occidental s'esforça en proclamar, sinó, ara mateix, el més assumit i, per tant, el més fàcil d'aprendre en la simple convivència. Si algú vol expressar una emoció l'ha de representar de tal manera que algú altre pugui arribar a imaginar-se-la. Bé ho pot fer amb una imatge i naturalment, ho pot fer amb l'escriptura, però també pot expressar aquesta emoció amb sons i música o a través del codi binari (si fóssim capaços de dexifrar-lo a simple vista) o a través d'impulsos elèctrics (que tenen lloc al nostre sistema nerviós), o fins i tot amb un compost químic, la substàncies que el seu cos ha generat que li han donat peu a sentir-la. Si això fos possible, potser el nou model químic esdevindria hegemònic. Em sento “CHO₄H₂Na₃” i per saber què vol dir hauíem d'ingerir el compost i sentir-nos com l'altre. Sona emocionant, però ni tan sols així arribaríem a la comunicació absoluta, perquè qualsevol interpretació varia amb el context intern o extern de qui l'interpreta.

Dins del nostre context, la imatge és ideal (és la imatge qui s'ha creat el context a mida?). La recepció n'és immediata i la descodificació ve exactament després. És performable i transformable i tot i així pot conservar un caràcter realista. Tot de característiques molt útils per a servir-nos de la imatge per a construir la nostra identitat. Al món cibernètic, en la seva vessant de relació amb l'altre, la construcció de la identitat és constant -igual que ho és al món físic- i respon gairebé sempre a una decisió conscient –a diferència del món físic-. Un ésser, dins d'un món virtual, si no es pronuncia voluntàriament no pot ser percebut pels altres. Per això a internet i als videojocs, els éssers han de prendre forma de codis per arribar als altres i els més utilitzats són l'escrit i el visual. Internet és una xarxa virtual on cada persona pot crear un organisme o un espai accessible a la resta de persones.

Una cibernoia¹ s'ha creat MySpace dissenyat amb les seves millors fotos i textos i la música que més li agrada. Hi té un apartat de Friends on hi ha tots els cibercontactes als quals pot accedir directament des de la seva cibercasa (el seu web MySpace) i a sota se li poden deixar cibercomentaris. Cadascun dels ciberelements representats amb una foto i un cibernom o un text. El contacte més instantani i directe (a través del qual manté vives moltes de les seves amistats físiques) l'obté amb el seu compte a Hotmail i amb el Messenger on la icona que representa la cibernoia és una foto.

A més, té un Fotolog que utilitza a mode de cyberdiari on explica els cyberevents (la versió ciber de l'event que va tenir lloc al món físic) representats amb una foto de la cybernoia en una festa de disfresses amb tots d'amics, molta beguda, i a sota un cibertext segurament escrit amb un argot críptic per als que no eren a la festa però que deixa ciberentendre una vetllada fabulosa. El ciberespai que aconsegueix atraure més visites o més comentaris és el més popular i pot formar una mena d'espiral del silenci. Evidentment que la cibernoia té un Blog on exposa els seus cybersentiments més profunds que va tenir durant la setmana passada. I també està enregistrada a YouTube i de vegades hi penja vídeos dels ciberevents. També podria tenir un Flickr, un DeviantArt, un Facebook, un Emule, un LastFM, un WoW, un Second Life, un Livejournal o ser membre d'un ciberfòrum sobre música pop per a ciberlesbianes rebels.

En tots casos es tracta del mateix, construcció del ciberorganisme a partir d'imatges i de text i en algun cas també de música. La tendència general d'utilització a internet comporta sempre la creació d'un perfil públic. A les imatges, la cibernoia no hi apareix mai en pijama, hi apareix maquillada i a la moda. No es tracta de quedar bé davant la gent que la veu cada dia, aquests ja saben com és, sinó davant de tots els ciberamics potencials (provinents de tot el món) que només tenen el MySpace com a referència per a fer-se una idea del que és la cibernoia.

Així doncs, internet és una eina de socialització a gran escala que permet als usuaris configurar-se la identitat a voluntat i, tant accedir-hi, com generar grans quantitats d'informació. Aquests usos comporten canvis en l'epistemologia i en la forma d'entendre les imatges, els textos, les relacions, la comunicació i la forma d'emprar el temps lliure.

“Recently, photography has become as widely practiced an amusement as sex and dancing -wich means that like every mass art form, photography is not practiced by most people as an art. It is mainly a social rite, a defense against anxiety, and a tool of power.”²

Si hagués de resumir amb una imatge el fenomen de la fotografia digital a internet, el motiu seria una persona fent-se una foto a si mateixa allargant el braç amb una persona al costat i qualsevol paisatge o monument de fons. Els ciberorganismes necessiten renovar el seu fons infogràfic setmanalment per mantenir-se vius. La fotografia i el video digitals a internet, l'aparició de petites càmeres compactes i la possibitat de divulgació d'imatges a les ciberplataformes ja esmentades han fet de l'acte fotogràfic la justificació i alhora la prova de l'existència d'un event. La fotografia no és un record, la fotografia és el ciberevent; la construcció de la ciberrealitat.

Els modes de representació hegemònics, imatge i text, guanyen partit a la resta de modes, la resta de sentits, olfacte, tacte. Si Wolton afirmà que a través de la televisió només és possible un tipus de contingut dirigit a un públic massificat, a internet només hi ha lloc per un tipus de ciberorganisme i una comunicació específica. Parlar al cibermón comporta un tipus de conversa generalment molt més introspectiva i profunda que parlar al món físic. En un xat es pot ser molt més agosarat, es poden fer preguntes més atrevides i respostes més insolents perquè no hi ha contacte visual, no hi ha vergonya, de fet és el més semblant a parlar amb un mateix, perquè la persona es troba físicament sola al davant d'una pantalla i la confiança amb un mateix és la màxima. A més, les paraules es poden corregir, esborrar, recomençar abans de ser introduides a la conversa. Es pot copiar i enganxar i hi ha temps per reflexionar abans de donar una resposta. El ciberdiàleg és informal i permet parar i recomençar en qualsevol moment en el qual els dos ciberorganismes estiguin disponibles. És cert, com apunta Juan Cueto, que el mitjà individualista per excel·lència és el llibre imprès, però internet introdueix la possibilitat de sociabilitzar-se en la individualitat.

Com que si un ciberorganisme no es pronuncia no és percebut, una altra característica del cibermón és la possibilitat de mirar el més profund de les intimitats d'un altre sense ser vist. La cibernoia segueix diàriament els moviments d'algun altre ciberorganisme què pel que veu i llegeix li resulta interessant. És un acte voyeurístic lícid i consentit; un ciberorganisme crea un perfil púbic precisament per a poder ser vist i sovint també per a poder mirar. En canvi pot dur a relacions estranyes i complexes entre persones que es coneixen però alhora mai no s'han dirigit la paraula. Quant als observadors a internet, la creació de perfils públics amb informació sobre interessos, gustos i tendències a dins de les ciberplataformes conforma una eina molt útil per a les empreses i els caçadors de tendències que poden conèixer en profunditat la personalitat, i sobretot la imatge anhelada (el ciberorganisme) dels seus consumidors potencials i també una potent eina de control i investigació social.

Els codis que legitimen l'existència de la veritat i la definició d'intel·ligència han anat variant en funció del model comunicatiu hegemònic. Si considerem internet com una revolució del model comunicatiu, ens hem de preguntar si sabem distingir entre ciberrealitat i realitat o si ja ni tan sols hi ha una diferència entre els dos conceptes perquè el nou model ja ha canviat els paràmetes de judici que abans hi dibuixaven una línia divisòria. Per tant, la construció de la realitat a internet ha passat a ser tan automàtica i presuposada que ja ni tan sols es considera construcció i passa a ser directament realitat?

1Amb el prefix ciber- abans d'un terme em referiré a aquest mateix terme traslladat a l'àmbit d'internet i, per tant, adientment codificat com a construcció voluntària d'una realitat.

2Susan Sontag, On Photography, Penguin Classics, 2002

1 dia de fluxos corectes

2007-03-05T23:50:00.000+01:00

Llegó a la conferencia justo a tiempo y se aposentó a la derecha de la mesa, al lado de un británico catalanoconacentoparlante que garabateaba letras chinas en un libro de ejercicios. Els millors llibres són en anglès; en català hi ha un diccionari y els de castellà no són bons. Le mostró la tapa y le advirtió sobre la importancia de practicar la fonética con audiovisuales. Luego le preguntó de que oficina venía y él respondió sonriendo. Era un británico amable de pelo blanco que a diferencia del resto de asistentes no necesitaba saludar a la camarilla de preocupados por la lengua. Había venido a escuchar y hasta que no empezaran a hablar tenía deberes por hacer. Más tarde le comunicaron que estaba molestando, tanto revolotear de aquí para allá. Pues claro, nosotros siempre molestamos, pero queréis salir en la premsa, ¿no? Al salir pasó por el lavabo, sólo para ver cómo era. Se fue pensando, esa señora que colocó la colección completa de las obras de Dickens, Flaubert i Turgenev encima de un televisor de 21 pulgadas, como un juego en el cual pierden todos, estás ahí en tu pieza viviendo y cocinando y leyendo la enciclopedia autodidáctica, ¿cuáles son los dulces que no te gustan?, siempre estirando estirando la cuerda hasta el máximo, máximo. El tiempo debería pasar solo cuando le das permiso. ¡Que no conste en acta! Cuando llegue a casa lo apuntaré todo. No llevo libreta, tampoco tengo manos ni luz para apuntar. Lo que pretendía era localizar todas estas actividades innecesarias en las que se entretenía demasiado para optimizar el tiempo que quedaba. Lo pensaba y tachaba, "eso", "eso" y luego pues se descubría otra vez haciéndolo. ¿Verdad? Al salir de la oficina, le apeteció pimienta, antes de saludar al señor de seguridad y recordar que la pimienta no le gustaba. Las luces de la ciudad sonreían y creyó percibir que sus substancias cerebrales estaban en orden [por hoy], así que se deslizó entre las calles y los humos hasta llegar a casa y comer algo de coliflor con pimienta cinco bayas. Abrió el bloc para escribir, pero lo había olvidado todo. Pica. Y no es como la pimienta que yo había planeado.

cristalitos de corazón

2007-02-23T20:55:00.000+01:00

Hoy creo que mi corazón va a estallar otra vez. Hacía tanto Sol que podía ver los cristalitos brillantes de los otros corazones rotos por el suelo. Les hice una foto pero en las fotos no se ven las cosas. Las fotos son papelitos digitales y qué más da.
Llega ahora que dejas de confiar en encontrar un camino, no hay camino, y entonces ya puedes empezar a inventar lo que sea para que haya uno. Así que el mundo es un lugar que a nadie gustaba repleto de caminos inventados para poder pasar por el lado del parque mientrastanto y algo así.
Tengo que aguantar a todos estos corazones danzando en mi y tengo que ir arriba ir abajo, luchar por ti, llorar por todo, sentirme derretir porque el sol me tocaba directo a la cara. Siempre hay alguien que debería estar viendo conmigo esta película. Siempre esta angústia y andar saltando charcos de celofán*.
Como voy a mentir con lo que siento si no son palabras? Simplemente lo hago.

Va a estallar en cualquier momento o quizás es mi estómago, de donde viene a donde va esta energía que quiere salir, gritar, ¿qué estaré escribiendo? ni siquiera me he quitado el anorak, cuando k estaba aquí entonces habría gritado y saltado por la cama quizás él lo hubiera gravado en video y se hubiera reido mucho. Si A estuviera aquí me haría hablar tanto que acabaría por aflojar el cortocicuito de mi cerebro. Con V hubiera gritado y saltado y me hubiera tirado por los suelos hasta que él confirmara la locura que ve en mi.

Cuando vuelva al suelo, cuando revierta esto, será el golpe muy fuerte?

Malestar en la cultura

2007-02-23T20:53:00.000+01:00

Se ha especulado siempre alrededor de como de productivo es el malestar. Los que tienen dudas y los que cuestionan algo, suelen ser esos los que llegan a algún lado, básicamente porque se mueven. Nadie ha hablado de cuanto cuesta moverse, del valor que hace falta ganar, para mover lo más insignificante.
Algo se ha hecho mal, para que en general todo el mundo se queje, sienta dolor, miedo o vacío y de vez en cuando uno esté contento. Y entonces todos le envidien. Algo hemos aprendido mal, para, en vez de ir preparando por fin las alas al ver el vacío, arraparnos lo más fuerte a un pobre árbol deshojado y evitar la caída. Algo pasa para que sólo veamos la caída. Y mientras tanto consumimos millones de productos que nos distraen del terror de la nada. Dvds, juegos, música. La evasión es el truco más rápido, con drogas, con sexo, con relaciones estúpidas, con mentiras, con excusas, con televisión digital y sueños para esta noche, con discotecas, amigos para siempre de este fin de semana, otro cubata en la mano y 5 minutos de cigarrillo en los que ya no necesitarás justificar tu presencia o tu soldead. A ninguno le gustan los domingos por la tarde, pero, ahí están no? Vas a hacer hoy algo distinto? Estás mal otra vez? No importa, escríbelo, o incluso mejor, escribe algo ingenioso y cínico, lleno de clichés. Así podrás compensar la falta de respuestas o de autoestima y cuando por fin consigas meterte en la cama mañana será otro día que podrás volver a llenar de todo eso que tanto te apasiona.

más gris

2007-02-04T05:12:00.000+01:00

Otro día contaré la historia de como los mayores logros se han convertido en las mayores desgracias y como he preferido dejar de desear porque las cosas se hayan cumplido
otro día dejaré de lamentarme pero creo que no será hoy
y sí, siempre pasan cosas, y seguimos aquí y no nos queremos suicidar
sólo tomamos un paso más lángido, un color más gris

Es domingo

2007-01-21T14:00:00.001+01:00

Me levanto con tiempo, doy vueltas por la habitación, me preparo un té me bajo algo de música. Hay random permanentemente desde hace semanas. Cualquier música puede pasar en cada momento y nunca pasa algo realmente sorprendente y casi nunca adecuado. Suene la que suene siempre quiero saber la que sonará después. Es domingo. Justifico mi indeterminación con un exceso de autoconsciencia. Pienso en ayer y me imagino la serie de mecanismos mentales que me han hecho borrar tantas partes de mi vida y dejar el resto. Me acuerdo de la selección de recuerdos que recordé la primera vez, no me acuerdo de lo que pasó. Me acuerdo de cómo son las fotos que hicimos aquel día en la playa pero no me acuerdo de nada de lo que pasó. Recuerdo la sensación que tuve de viaje en gerona, en valencia o torredembarra y se me presenta en mente junto con algún que otro punto de vista probablemente imaginado a base de síntesis de recuerdos racionales. Puedo hacer escaneos de recuerdos que flotan como bolas con imágenes y sensaciones metidos en compartimentos relacionados e indexados. Por ejemplo abro viajes y aparecen primero los que más veces he recordado y si sigo explorando aparecen muchos otros. Mirar durante horas por la ventana del coche viendo pasar el mundo. Abro personas y hay diversas categorías, amigos de antes, amigos de ahora, amigos de un día, personas que han cambiado, personas que me han cambiado. Hablar con cincuenta personas en un día pero conocer a dos personas en un año. Frases concretas que me hicieron pensar o que resonaron en mi mente, recuerdo voces, el color y la textura de su pelo, la forma como caminaban. Recuerdo tantas cosas que parece increible que quepan en 20 años y me paso tanto tiempo recordando que a menudo no hay suficiente tiempo para pensar en la estrategia para hoy o mañana. Recuerdo los colores que he visto, la intensidad de la luz. Se me ocurren ocasiones en las que no dije lo que pensaba y las palabras quedaron en mí y siguen dando vueltas esperando poder salir.

Taustück für jede Zeit

2007-01-16T15:08:00.000+01:00

la xarxa ens evadeix i ens aliena