A channel

I am sitting here in front of the falling snow, and the tree in front of me has started to revolve my emotions.
I have so much to feel that I can only stay here. I can't start doing something. Right now I feel like I can't have any other life than just sitting and feeling...

Yesterday I showed my documentary and a series of pictures at home on the projector. I felt so amateur. It felt so strong.

The snow is also painting some of my hair white.

It is so difficult for me to not feel your emotions as mine, to separate you from me. I can't manage all this.

I realised that I was trying to decide for myself, to involve the least people in my decision processes so that they wouldn't get my insecurity and also so that they would not unvoluntarily convince me. Now the result is that I left everyone outside and I played with them.

And in the end, the most painful thing, what I want to learn to accept, is that nothing is 100% sure. And that I am ruled by strong emotions, good and bad, and I need to learn to feel them without reacting. Because all the reacting makes everyone's head spin, including mine.

I forget that I am a human, I right now feel just like a channel, connecting with the after worlds. Feeling this 21st of december approach. All humanly tasks seem so senseless. I am not suicidal, but it feels like suicide is the ultimate choice situation. And therefore also life.

pink baloon on the old airport

Fabio Cirillo left here about 40 pink plastic bags when he left for Wien. They are all taped together forming a big pillow baloon that he inflated it in the nearest gas station to have the result that you can see in this image of the Tempelhofer Feld. One of his art projects, an exploration about people's reaction to an unexpected wind-animated object.
More about Fabio at http://vorset.tumblr.com/

screen printing workshop

Doing workshops together was really great! Now we are going to travel to see parents and Cyclocamp
Hopefully we can do some more workshops, somewhere, someday.

I want to be able go somewhere

where I don't miss anymore and I don't want to runaway anymore

I am Lucien

If you still remember Lucien Alperstein, I am sure that he still remembers us. Check out one of the picture blogs that we all keep in the back of our minds.

Tea Bag Glued Family

berlin fast forwarded

Only back in Berlin for about 10 days and life already seems fast forwarded. I was taking pictures at one of my driver's place for a job. I went to a loesje workshop. One of these days when I arrived home I found the ultimate present. It is black and small like me but fast and slim and environmentally friendly. It's called flying fox.
It's late night and I sat all day around my room, trying to give it some life, and trying to come back to myself. Now there is wind inside my room, I promise, although I managed to get 20ºC but I have to cover those air entrances. And burn wood.
I am joining an art studio near the squatted boat by the canal and we have a little presentation exhibition on the 28th of October. And then work, work, work.
I finally sew a hood with a scarf with some old basketball's player sweater.
Life is surprisingly sweet (even though I quit chocolate until my birthday, December 17th)

I always wanted to organize a group photo exhibition

and this opportunity was ideal because almost every detail depends only on me. That means I have a lot of freedom but also that I have all the responsibility. The photo exhibition is going to take place at the Road Junky Film Festival the 28-29 and 30th of May in Berlin. In the Betahaus near Moritzplatz.

So far we received over 190 images and we have to choose which ones are going to print and will be exhibited. Because the exhibit space is not very big and the budget is of course nonexistent the pictures can't be printed very big and not many can go to print.

But still, everyone has their space in the online gallery because I organised it so that it would be completely uncensored! I accepted 100% or the submissions! And most of them are amazing.

I am excited about this.

And also somehow misplaced but still engaged with the rest of the work that I am doing for the Film Festival, just because it's obvious that I am the most appropriate person of the crew to do them. Like german speaking public relations, design and photography issues. If I could I would say I'll also bake the cakes!

and yeah, the photo behind the logo is my pic from Teufelsberg :)

At times I still dream of those memories that don't exist anymore

and therefore I am

considerations through chat, about wiki, over a rote beete knackebrot

we use a wiki software now the film festival

maybe i could use that for the house

now I need a complete moral judgement

about what effect will this have on our society

if we start having an online wiki for the mere organization of a flatshare

i am of the belief
that computers are the new 'television'

and are damaging in certain ways

the interaction between people

so to believe that in internet its all true

certified

and everything can be worked out

telepatically

Teufelsberg, Berlin

Abandoned Teufelsberg and us, before Stockholm and after Denmark. Now off to Barcelona and NY. Poor people travel too!

http://taumh.zaharamh.com/

My Photographs in the Market

Printing and byuing material. I discovered that Paradise is only about 25 minutes away from my door. A huge Art Supplies Supermarket. And all because
I'll be selling pictures tomorrow at Mauerpark Market in Berlin :)

Naked against oil transports

I am going to Barcelona for almost a week starting tomorrow and it is great to hear about this year's World Naked Bike Ride on Saturday the 13th.This is the event website.
It happens in many cities and you can still organize it yourself.

Today when riding my bike a big car got angry because he felt imposed to respect my preference (when he was turning into my road!) and then followed me slowly yelling some words for about too street crossings and I even runaway to the sidewalk. I wonder how can those car ppl contain so much rage and frustration, instead of some respect.

Lars Rudolph eating a Brezel in Berlin

"I barely have access to movies that are not boring" said Mercedes Moncada Rodríguez after the premiere of her film La sirena y el buzo in the Berlinale Film festival about 2 weeks ago. I agreed and I told her. The film was breathtaking. The diver and the Mermaid is a tale about a young fisherman that drowns in the sea and turnes into a turtle. There is no explicit narration but the one on the intertitles and Mercedes chose to tell the story through documentary scenes taken from the daily routine of an indigenous group living on Nicaragua's Caribbean coast. Some of these scenes are really new in terms of what has been shown in the cinema before. Hypnotic and poetic. Like I felt when Beijing was inside my camera. And in a very special way -lighter and less fatalistic but just as patient- like Valuska and the drunken solar system and the whale in that cold and poor black and withe town somewhere in Hungary. Werckmeister Haromoniak, from Bela Tarr. I didn't think about their relation at all. It is very possible that the biggest thing these two films have in common is myself and the fact that I like them. I never drink coffee but today I drunk one capuccino and that made me look much more stupid when I saw an older Valuska sitting at the cafeteria eating a Brezel with his blonde daughter and speeking german. The real Valuska!




And I asked, and he told me, of course, that he is Lars Rudoph, and he is german not hungarian. And he has been working in theatre, how the hell I know that movie -am I even hungarian myself ?-, and that he now has a band called Mariahilff. And he told me with his Valuska's voice that they are going to release a new album in the next weeks.




But you don't speak hungarian? No, that was syncronized. And very well syncronized; I wish he was Valuska...

Values

Chasing after a value that is still worth keeping after this so called crisis is gone.

that thing called photography

For a long time I couldn't take pictures anymore. After a couple of years I had seen enough. I had had enough of angry people. Totally violented by the presence of my camera in front of them or their property, they tried to return to me the violence that the camera caused on them. They associated the direct and specific attitude of the photographer with the violating and offensive movement of an agressor. But one which weapon doesn't kill your body but it kills your dignity instead. And so they fought back to me, trying to reduce me to recover their good feelings.

I used to cristalize magic unbelieveable moments that happened out there. I never meant to judge or punish, I was just trying to remark and enjoy unimaginable events and celebrate their existance. For that I froze them into observable images that contained three parts: me, my subjective enviroment and all the rest. I just wanted to give those images a life, capability to signify and evolve. For me and for all others.

But my innocence turned into evil. And I was the evil spreading suffer and getting back suffer and so for a long while I lost the strength and claimed my right to be an anonymous intranscendent floating creature that was the most innocent of all around.

taumh.wordpress.com

"Next life,..."

said the 31st of december of 2008 as we were kneading the bread dough with our four hands "... I will be you and you will be me".

the maus wasn't healthy

anyway

from black and white to color

From Black and White to Colour by TAUMH

The story of the bleeding mouse feelings and Moving pens and pencils on white paper to counteract exile

I most likely have killed a mouse. Either me or the gigantic gate of the building. It's nose was bleeding and after 3 minutes of jumping in circles it died. I grabbed a plastic bag to carry it to a safe place on the soil. It was very soft and warm and it all was very sad. The Ceremony will take place in the closest tree bottom and the mouse will continue his life as a buddist believer.

M and me went to draw and paint in an exhibition of Berlin based canadian artists. I signed up for a painting and drawing techniques course nearby and the first day was like a meditation session. We silently painted with acrilic and printed on papers with no rules.

The seconds passing by are specially funny when reading employement small adds. You need a 24 hour smile, experience, leading skills and all that confidence. All those things I seem to be keeping for my next life as an aubergine. For now I am still thrown to the empty space, wandering between constelations deciding if three hundred ninety-four galleries in Berlin are wrong or not and why they are showing such works of art.